even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
