just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
