I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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