i may or may not be watching the land before time
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
