just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How does it feel to date your dad?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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