I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
a search helicopter?!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
