Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
