You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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