okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
