when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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