Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
