so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
