Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We named our party play list daddy issues
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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