dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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