I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize