I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
