I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
