why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
