How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i want to swaddle you in tequila
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
