....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
