sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
