the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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