you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
