guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
