I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
