Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Someone shit on the floor
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
