i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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