seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
