This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
