he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
