why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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