I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just pee around me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
