you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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