You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
