no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
