I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
