Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize