so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize