i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
