You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
