When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
