i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
