This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
