nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
