Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
