shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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