Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
