we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
