Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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