I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
