SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
