It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize