i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Randomize
