It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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