if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize