yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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