How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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