I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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