Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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