they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
