i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
