im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
