i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
