I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
try to milk me bitch
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
