Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
