she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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