It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
