p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
