So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
