i need an iv and a liver transplant
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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