I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
