I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sorry about my life...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
