I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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