Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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