He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
