It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
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