She is in my trunk
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize