i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
