btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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