i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
