What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
