The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
